The Wisdom of Rip: Dissecting the Word “Deserve”
“Yellowstone” is a guilty pleasure of mine, as it is for millions of American viewers. 10.4 million, in fact, watched the Season 4 Finale earlier this year. If you aren’t familiar with the show, here are a few comparisons that might help:
Think a slightly kinder, gentler “Sons of Anarchy” in which the motorcycles are replaced with horses, the biker boots with cowboy boots, and the tattoos with brands—yes, the kind on your body.
Though I am not a “Longmire” viewer, stunning vistas and Native American influences are present in both shows.
Recall, if you can, the glory days of evening soap operas in which the settings and enterprises changed, but the characters were tormented, stakes were high, and the environments figured into the formula in a big way. “Dallas” and ranching. “Falcon Crest” and vineyards.
There is family, loyalty, power, an appreciation for their way of life, vengeance, and an ever-present threat to the family’s generations-old ranch that, as the moniker implies, borders the national park of the same name.
The Yellowstone Dutton Ranch has their own personal cowboy hitman named Rip Wheeler. Rip was a troubled teen with a tragic childhood, and John Dutton took him in. Rip is abundantly loyal to the patriarch of the ranch, and he will do anything to protect the Dutton family and their interests. In season four, Carter, another messed up and destitute kid comes onto the scene. He, too, has been allowed to prove himself at the ranch—sleeping in the barn, working as instructed, and figuring out how he can make a life on the ranch just as Rip has.
In one particularly telling scene, Carter wonders how he will manage and/or survive on the ranch. Rip tells him that the key is to “never think you deserve it.” When challenged by Carter, Rip admits that he doesn’t deserve the life either.
In no particular order, let’s explore that word “deserve” from a few perspectives.
In Relationship to Your Kids…
Rip doesn’t think he’s worthy of his life on the ranch for a variety of reasons. First, he doesn’t think good things about himself, and, outside of his identity with The Yellowstone Dutton Ranch, he probably sees himself as a loser kid from a bad situation who isn’t good for much. Secondly, he cannot imagine a better life than the one he now gets to live.
The two things combined cause him to be singularly focused on maintaining his position and goodwill on the ranch. Hence, Rip does some pretty gruesome things. Rip puts young Carter in exactly the same category as himself, except Carter’s not earned any goodwill yet.
How does this fictional character connect to us as parents?
At his core, Rip doesn’t love or like himself. He’s found a version of success, but he understands it could be taken away at any time. He will always see himself as owing a debt to John. He’s loved by John, whom he often calls “Sir,” but he recognizes that the love is conditional.
Not only have his early circumstances limited him, his beliefs about who he is have as well.
Do your best to show the kids in your care all of the ways in which they are loveable and valued and wonderful beings. When they have a positive self-esteem, their choices will be shaped by that, and those choices will be abundantly better!
In Relationship to God…
Recently, during a small group Bible study, the lesson leader commented that he didn’t like the word. When we consider this 7-letter concept in the context of Christianity, we know that none of us deserve anything. All that we have or are allowed to borrow during our time on earth has ultimately been given to us by our Heavenly Father. And, at the same time, contrary to Rip’s belief, we are loved endlessly and made wonderfully! We are of great value, but we’re given gifts and given grace—none of which we have earned!
I think The Duttons see God’s hand when they look at the land, but they aren’t spending much time with “the good book.” Here’s a great passage from His word that Rip, Carter, and the rest of the wild bunch might want to check out.
In Relationship to You as a Parent…
How many of us have worked freakishly hard as a parent? How many have done all the things. The running to practices, games, concerts, recitals, activities, and meetings. How many have made sure that your children get the best available medical care and opportunities? How many have worried over school choice and friend choices? How many have provided love, discipline, family, and church affiliation?
This reminder is for you.
Know this. You can do all it all and still face struggles in parenting. I don’t mean the normal adolescent attitude or the occasional bad grade. I am not referring to normal dirty deeds that kids do along the way.
I know adoptive and biological parents who are raising extremely challenging kids. They are dealing with children who have multiple mental health diagnoses. They are addressing the trauma and resulting behaviors connected with adoption. They are struggling to keep safe their kids who make impulsive and dangerous choices, have very poor self-esteem, demonstrate suicidal ideation, and more.
Understand this, my fellow hard-working, loving, sincere, and tired parents, you don’t deserve it. You didn’t fail your child, and you didn’t fall short!
If you doubt that, find a group or a forum where you can share successes and struggles with parents who have had similar journeys. They will bolster your confidence and give you the strength to help your child through whatever they are going through.
Here’s a place to start: NAMI
Keep Digging Deep and Reaching High!
Hally
