The Brokenness of Beth: Understanding the Impact of Trauma
Welcome to Installment #2 of my Yellowstone series! Please know that I’m not promoting the hit show as educational or in any way wholesome, but I do find it entertaining for adults. Yellowstone has fascinating, fictional characters, and they have said and done things worth examining for real-life application.
For those few that don’t watch, I provided a quick overview in the last post. You can check that out here. So, let’s talk specifically about Beth this time. Beth is one hot mess! Can I get an “Amen” to that! Girl is crazy scary!
Beth delivers the most zingers and stingers, written primarily by the show’s co-creator, Taylor Sheridan. But, calling her profane and cutting lines “zingers” is like describing The Biltmore Mansion as a nice house. Like advising your kids to “practice moderation” with their devices. Similar to calling Einstein a “smart guy.” It just doesn’t do the trick!
John Dutton’s only daughter is tough, angry, and vicious. The show eventually reveals two extremely impactful moments in Beth’s life that have traumatized her to the extent that she is not able to function in a healthy and civilized manner. Spoilers ahead!
First, Beth witnessed her mother’s death. And, that death didn’t come with loving farewells and affirmations about what a good daughter she was. Beth, a young teen at the time, went on a horse ride with her brother Kayce and mom Evelyn. Beth was a nervous rider and having a hard time handling her horse. It spooked Evelyn’s horse, and Evelyn was thrown. Evelyn blamed Beth for this, so she sent Beth back to the house for help, knowing that Beth would take twice as long as Kayce, the more confident, faster rider. It was her twisted attempt at teaching Beth to be tough. In addition, she sent her off with hateful words, likely knowing those would be the last Beth heard from her. It’s disturbing to watch!
Fast forward a few years, and Beth is now pregnant. The daddy is the troubled and orphaned adolescent ranch hand, Rip. Beth, without counsel, decides she should abort the child and asks brother Jamie to help her do that. Jamie gets it done, but he neglects to tell Beth that the facility he’s taken her to will sterilize her in the process.
The combination of these two horrific events, and probably several others that we don’t see depicted in the show, have caused Beth immeasurable pain and anguish. She’s a very damaged person.
What can Yellowstone’s Beth teach us about trauma?
Trauma is the result of experiencing an event that is physically or emotionally harmful, frightening, or threatening. Kids who experience sexual abuse, physical abuse, or ongoing neglect experience trauma. Those who observe domestic violence or live with caregivers who have substance abuse issues experience trauma. Those who have lost a loved one through death or divorce do as well.
So, clearly, most kids are going to experience at least one traumatic event. Others may experience several, but seem to function fine; those kids may be the more resilient ones. Resiliency is a whole other conversations and topic for a future post. But, it’s important to know that these traumatic events, which are also known as ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) are harmful to our kids. Whether it be a single devastating event or an accumulation of several smaller ones that occur over time, the effects need to be recognized and addressed by parents, caregivers, and schools.
What have I observed of trauma?
For those that don’t know, I am an adoptive parent and, more recently, a foster parent. My adopted “child” is 20 years old now. When she came home at 4.5 months, I was almost certain that she’d experienced no abuse or neglect—no trauma. I have no evidence that she has now, but I do now know that trauma can occur in utero. I also know that the experience of simply being an adopted person is traumatic. I understand, to the degree that I am capable, that it was at times traumatic for her to be a dark-skinned person in a very white school.
There have been other traumas for my girl along the way, but none have been Large “T” events. Because to complicate matters, there is also a distinction between Large “T” and Small “t” events.
So, how can we respond to help our kids?
We can do things as parents to prevent the occurrence of traumatic events in our kids’ lives, and we can learn how to mitigate the impact of trauma. If this is something that is unfamiliar to you, check out one or more of the articles below for more explanation.
Schools across the nation are now becoming “Trauma-Informed” in an effort to effectively assist students who have experienced or will experience ACE’s and the lingering trauma connected with them. Communities can do likewise.
Here’s the thing. Left untreated, the long-term effects of trauma will eventually impact us all—not just those who experience them directly. Ask anybody that’s ever encountered Beth! Of course, Beth is not real, but trauma is.
A book to check out…
Nadine Burke Harris wrote a fantastic book about her study of the impact of ACE’s on kids. Her 2018 book titled The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma and Adversity is not light reading. It is scientific, but she provides specific examples from her own work in a pediatric clinic as well. I am on my second read of the book.
Here are five short articles that provide additional information.
What can you do as a parent of a child who is dealing with trauma? You can educate yourself, you can seek counseling (specializing in the particular area of concern is best), and you can find support for yourself. While it’s important to get your child healthy, it is also okay to recognize that their trauma and the behaviors associated with it—well, that can cause very real turmoil in your life.
I know that I experienced trauma as my daughter walked through the raging fire that resulted because of her varied and combined hurts and hang-up’s. I was trying to get her out! It hurt. It burned. It left scars!
No doubt, her behaviors are hers to own. But, I might have done a better job of recognizing her challenges long before they manifested themselves in serious ways. My hope is that I might help others do a better job than I did… help others to have the knowledge and tools I lacked very early on.
There is hope.
My daughter is doing well, and we have come a long way. But, I know others are struggling. I am part of an online group of adoptive parents. We offer support and suggestions to one another on a variety of topics that we share a common interest in as parents of internationally-adopted kids.
If your house is ablaze due to trauma and the yucky stuff that goes with it, understand that you may be experiencing Little “t’s” on a daily or weekly basis. Whether it’s a violent altercation with your teen, a runaway situation, a hospitalization due to suicidal ideation, or whatever, you may need a bit of help, too.
My prayers are that you and your young person will come through the flames and be restored!
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
Blessings to you as you continue Digging Deep and Reaching High,
Hally
