Beating the Feelings That Beat Us Down

Encouragement

Jan 18

What overwhelms you?

How few among us have not felt overcome or exhausted in one way or another during the last year?

I felt COVID weariness during 2020, but I also felt beaten by a particular project. Way back in January 2020, I enrolled in an online course on how to build a money-making blog. While I have never been interested in monetizing this space, I thought these folks certainly must know what they are doing, given the financial success they reported from their own blog. With or without the cash component, I figured the course would help me reach my goal of connecting with parents — people — on issues of mental health, child-rearing, and relating.

After purchasing the course, I set about completing the video lessons and homework. Before long, I began to feel confused and crushed by the depth of the program. I recognize that the course may have seemed basic to a few, but I found myself faced with a multitude of decisions regarding hosting, domain names, plug-in’s, SEO, Tailwind, Pinterest, themes, ConvertKit, and much more. It was too much to learn, too many decisions, and way too overwhelming.

Also in the spring of 2020, I hired a professional in media and marketing to help me develop a logo and brand. I even got headshots taken for my website. Even after the graphics and the photos were completed and ready, I was still stuck with the course and my website development. Shoot! I’d spent a few hundred dollars on the course; I wanted to make it work.

We can get worked over by lots of things. Here are seven I’ve identified:

Emotion

Celebration, joy, loss, and pain come with a heavy dose of “feels,” and who’d want it any other way. But, we need to acknowledge that all that emoting can be exhausting. If you are in a particularly volatile place, emotionally speaking, allow yourself time to recover. Meditation, prayer, yoga, time spent in nature, or simply creating are all things that allow reflection and a return to center.

Choices

The words “customization” and “options” aren’t necessarily appealing to me. The closest thing that I gotten to building a home was when, at the time of my divorce, I purchased a would-be spec home just after the foundation was poured. I had five choices to make: flooring, countertops, siding color, brick color, and cabinets. Thankfully, the options for each were limited.

If sifting through a collection of choices creates more chaos than comfort for you, try to narrow your options right from the start. Create a list of absolute “no’s” before reviewing any offerings. Set limits in the areas relevant to the choice at hand: money, manufacturer, customer reviews, working partners, location, expectations, time required, benefits, and the list goes on. Or, try a rubric in order to objectively grade and narrow choices. Perhaps, bounce conundrums off a trusted friend who can help whittle down options.

Information

Have you ever felt you needed to read everything on a particular topic before doing anything in that area? Sort of an all-or-nothing mentality? There is a ferocious amount of information available to us on nearly any topic, and it’s easy to think we have to absorb it all. Realistically, we know that is not possible.

Instead, we have to focus our energies on the sources of information we trust, the learning endeavors that we have time to complete, and the study of materials most meaningful in our own lives and work. By following those criteria, we can more easily tackle the infinite mountains of material and actually put it to work.

Circumstances

An ailing mother hospitalized out of state, an employer threatening to shut their doors, a teenager who just landed in trouble… these things don’t hit us in regular, measured intervals. When situations in life collide to create a storm of turmoil, learn first to hold tight. Then, ask for help from those who possess the knowledge and compassion to support you. Find those people and resources in your community, place of worship, neighborhood, family, and more who are able to lift you up and provide tools you need to be sustained through the bad weather. Keep a journal of your days. Many times, we look back and wonder how we survived certain periods in our lives. Your record will show just how you did and will be source of comfort when clouds return.

Change

When we go through life changes (moves, marriage, divorce, birth of a baby, job or career change), we may have a hard time keeping up mentally. In the midst of all that change, it’s important to cling to constants in life. Perhaps security comes through familial relationships or close friends, faith, or consistent daily routines. Those reliable lifelines can make the difference when our world seems to be turning upside down.

People (or Loneliness)

COVID-19 made us all experts on social distancing, masking up, and sheltering in place. And, if we weren’t already aware, we learned the difference between extraverts and introverts — those who suffered social isolation during the pandemic and those who enjoyed a little piece of heaven for at least a portion of our time in lockdown.

My husband and I host a small group every week. While I love our group friends, I admit sometimes having a hard time revving up for our gatherings. Jeff comes home from work and energetically makes coffee, sets up chairs, and prepares for the evening.

Know which you are, and expect that you, your partner, and your children differ in this area. While I get worn out with too much social time, my husband is energized by it. If you’ve never taken a Myers-Briggs Assessment, it is an excellent personality test. It explains the Introvert/Extravert dynamic, along with three other components of personality, wonderfully.

Activities

Careful planning, saying “no” and being selective, and being realistic about what can actually be accomplished in a 24-hour day — these are ways to keep from being overcome and overworked by countless, and sometimes pointless, activities.

Here’s another one. Check out Overwhelmed by Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory. Friends Kathi and Cheri tag team the topic of overwhelm, exploring how we get there and how to move out. They offer insights about how different personality types experience overwhelm, provide practical tips for beating the feelings of overwhelm, and suggest next steps and resources at the end of chapters. While you may not connect with all of their ideas, I’m certain that you will find several great ideas to put into practice.

By the last quarter of 2020, I had decided to remain frustrated over this website no longer. I searched for help and was fortunate to connect with Pauline Wiles, who finally helped me get up and going. Here are the professionals that helped me connect with you.