Seven Things to Consider When Choosing a Counselor for Your Child
The Landscape
Our culture is crowded with anxiety-producing news stories and congested with reports of crises and chaos locally and all around the world. It’s hard to be a kid and a challenge to grow up in today’s world with one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual faculties healthy and in check.
If you’re raising a child or teen, you may have considered counseling for him or her at some point. You may have sought advice from your school’s guidance counselor, reached out to mentors for support, or read about mental illness and adolescent struggles. Hopefully, those steps have equipped you in guiding your child through the rough waters of adolescence. If, however, your kid needs more – perhaps counseling – here are seven things to consider.
Convenience and Accessibility
When your child begins working with a counselor, it is important to have regular, consistent meetings; this is when rapport is developed. That rapport and connection is the basis for the therapeutic work that follows. You want a therapist who can meet regularly, and who is conveniently located for your family.
Hold that thought for an interruption from old 2020! I penned this post several months ago when COVID was new and before we realized the tremendous impact it would have on EVERYTHING, not least of all mental health. Counseling is now most often provided virtually through one online platform or another. This is not my preferred method, and some therapies just aren’t possible or optimal through a digital format. However, kids (comfortable with screens) seem to acclimate well to this alternative.
Hopefully, 2021 will see us meeting and experiencing counseling in person again. Back to location… For those living in small communities, locating a mental health professional that is handy can be tough. Weigh distance with the quality of care. Traveling further for appointments with someone who is highly effective may be best. That would be preferable to your child meeting with a local counselor and making limited progress in treatment.
Insurance
Tapping into 401(k) and college plans, my ex-husband and I have spent well over $100,000 for counseling and a therapeutic boarding school for our teen daughter. Until very recently, we paid every cent out of our own pockets. Investigate your benefits. One doesn’t know how long treatment will be needed. Take time to figure out what you have, what potential providers will accept, and hope to find a match between a counselor you’d like to work with and your coverage.
Even if you have no insurance, you may still be able to find mental health resources within your community. In my county, we have a children’s services board. This volunteer board receives funds through ¼ cent sales tax and distributes those funds to mental health agencies throughout the community. Funded services can be accessed by families. There may be a wait list, and the ideal program or service may not always be available, but it is something to consider. Become educated about the resources right in your own community.
Specialties
Begin by googling counselors or psychologists in your area. Once you have names of several offices and individual therapists, spend time doing internet research. Nearly every mental health professional will have a bio on Psychology Today’s website, providing information about their particular focus areas, schooling, years in practice, preferred therapeutic methods and/or areas of expertise, and more.
If your adopted child seems to demonstrate attachment issues, it makes sense to locate a therapist who has considerable experience with adoptive families. If you have a child who deals with trauma, find a person skilled in EMDR, which is a therapeutic method used with individuals impacted by trauma. If your 4th-grade child loves art, perhaps a counselor that works with younger kids and uses Art Therapy is your best option. Your research and review of provider websites and therapist bios will help you find the best fit.
References
It may be hard to share with others that you are seeking counseling for your child or family, but this is nothing to be ashamed about. The stigma surrounding mental illness is tragic. If you can bring yourself to acknowledge the struggles your child faces, while maintaining their dignity, you can tap into information and insights that will help you survive your journey. Ask others about their experiences with various providers. Recognize that yours may be different, but appreciate what you learn as a starting point.
Philosophies
Take note of the held world view, perspective, or philosophy, particularly as it connects to the work and approaches of the therapist or program you’re considering. When we were exploring therapeutic boarding schools, I toured several facilities. Though not scientific, these terms indicate how I perceived the programs visited and/or reviewed: back-to-nature or earthy, experiential, New Age or Spiritualism, and Christian. I chose the Christian alternative, but I would not have selected that program had I felt the therapeutic component was lacking. Recognize the role of faith and philosophy, and balance that with the level of care provided.
Personalities
My daughter has worked with several therapists over the years. By now, she knows what type of person she likes to work with. She recognizes that she needs a person who is going to hold her accountable, a person who will speak truth when she needs to hear it. Your child may do better with a softer approach or with someone who is going to convey validation of feelings first and foremost. Chat with the counselors, or the office managers in the practices, you are considering; you may get a sense of who will connect with and progress best with your child or teen.
Know When You Need to Change
If your child is seeing a therapist on a regular basis, you should see growth. While it does take time for a client to begin to open up with a counselor, it typically should not take more than a few weeks to see a connection developing. Good therapists set goals, and expect that, in most cases, the therapy will come to an end. As with other professions, the therapist with many years of experience is not always the most effective. If sessions go on indefinitely and you can’t identify areas of growth, take a look at making a change.
The Outlook
Many kids in counseling are there because they are experiencing a situational crisis like the loss of a loved one (grief) or the divorce of their parents (family change) or sort-lived, self-harming behaviors (cutting). Others need more time to heal and get healthy. My family’s mental health journey continues, and the road is bumpy. It is hopeful, too. I wish you and your family the very best mental health in 2021.
